60. Regrets and Forgiving Yourself

At age 30 the Phyllis Furumoto has a burning question. Her mother and provocateur, Alice Takata Furumoto, makes Phyllis travel with Hawayo Takata. The life-long journey of Reiki mastery starts. It takes ten years of inner struggle to come to the “Yes-place”.

“I can’t live this life as family duty. I have to live it as my own life …Decisions had to be my own decisions.”

Already in 1983 trademarking Reiki is a consideration. In the 1990s, when Phyllis has her TM fight, she understands the benefit of industry TM. She regrets that by now it is too late.

In 1988 in a speech in Germany, Phyllis fails to dissipate the misunderstanding that she claims to be “the only one with the power to initiate Masters”. She acknowledges that others can and should initiate Masters. The community had grown too big for Phyllis to be the only Master initator.

It’s not about giving away power. I had nothing to give away. It’s about sharing sacred tools so that a worthy student can step on the path of mastery

Phyllis alienates and disappoints close intimates. Mature Masters who were ready to initiate refused to do so. Young upstarts did not hesitate.

I opened Pandora’s box. I wish I had not used the sledge-hammer but perhaps the key.

Joop Hilger had trademarked in his name. With the Reiki Alliance Phyllis demands back her right and settles with Hilger out of court. In this intense crisis Phyllis does not take time to reflect her grief about Joop not taking her on board or about her incapacity to hear his call. Furthermore, she feels let down by the German community.

Phyllis asks the Reiki Alliance to become an association of licensed Masters. They  refuse. She wakes up to the fact that she has championed a case for others who did not want it in the first place. Crushed between her personality and her lineage bearer self she finds herself unsupported and alone. She drops all licensing endeavours. Some leave Reiki in disappointment, others question Phyllis’ intention. The pain in her is evident to this day.

If I have any regret in my time as the Grand Master, that’s the one. I never met Joop in person. I should have. …. That’s really sad.

Now, nearly 20 years later Phyllis has found distance and forgiving of herself. Sadness still lingers but talking about it helps and opens a new perspective:

I don’t even know who to write now to say “Thank you for all that you did to support me, your local communities and the vision of Reiki”.